Better Conversations Chapter 3

Jul 9, 2018

(Suggested Completion Date: July 13th)

Chapter three is about listening with Empathy. Knight identifies two types of empathy:

Affective Empathy: sharing or mirroring another person’s emotions
Cognitive Empathy: making an imaginative leap and recognizing that other people have different tastes, experiences, and world views than our own.

To become a more empathetic listener Knight talks about 4 strategies:

Commit to listen
Make sure your partner is the speaker
Pause before you speak and ask, “Will my comment open up or close down this conversation?”
Don’t interrupt

For our discussion on this chapter, lets use a few of the looking back and looking ahead questions on pages 60-65. As usual, we will use the comment feature at the bottom of this post for discussion.

Looking back at a conversation where you attempted to identify empathy, how well did you perceive the spoken and unspoken needs your conversation partner had? (60)
Looking ahead at a future conversation, what can you do to make sure you focus on the emotions and needs of others? (65)

Feel free to reply to others comments.

FYI. Names are posted, and the website is visible, so lets focus on building up instead of ranting.

3 Comments

Melissa Exley on August 15, 2018 at 7:57 pm

Looking back at a conversation where you attempted to identify empathy, how well did you perceive the spoken and unspoken needs your conversation partner had? (60)
Truly listening to someone has always been a difficulty of mine. In the past, I have worried more about my response, interrupted when I thought someone was done speaking, and I tend to space out. After reading this chapter, I spent the next several days (week before school started) to really listen and have empathy for my fellow teachers. I ended up letting my team get to know each other and share their thoughts and what they needed help with the most. This created a more welcoming atmosphere and more productive planning as well. I still need to work on listening though.

Looking ahead at a future conversation, what can you do to make sure you focus on the emotions and needs of others? (65)
When it comes to my colleagues, I can simply ask if they need anything or want to express an area of concern or a positive experience that they had. If something is weighing on someone’s mind, asking them to put their emotions and needs aside that may be pressing is dehumanizing. I would end up using my colleagues to arrive at an end product while sacrificing them in the process.

When it comes to my students, I cannot except success with their academics if their social/emotional world is upside down. That means that I have to really get to know my kids and establish a relationship with them and ask them questions in a safe space that would let them be more willing to share about their world, and I would have to really listen.

Dawn Jordan on August 9, 2018 at 9:03 pm

1. Looking back at a conversation where you attempted to identify empathy, how well did you perceive the spoken and unspoken needs your conversation partner had? (60)

If I am honest, I would have to say I am terrible at showing empathy in a conversation with someone who has a differing view than myself. I am so busy coming up with my reply to what they say instead of truly listening and putting myself in their place. I automatically going on the defense to prove my point as to why they are wrong and I am right, especially with my husband. This is something I really need to work on!!

2. Looking ahead at a future conversation, what can you do to make sure you focus on the emotions and needs of others? (65)

First, I need to clear my mind. Next, I need to really focus on listening to what the other person has to say rather than automatically focusing on my response. I really need to work on trying to view things from the other person’s perspective!!

Lisa Pogue on July 16, 2018 at 5:00 pm

Looking back at a conversation where you attempted to identify empathy, how well did you perceive the spoken and unspoken needs your conversation partner had? (60)
I would like to say that I attempt to demonstrate empathy with my children, however, if I am really honest, I am not sure that I do. When discussing things they do that might disappoint me and/or embarrass me as a parent, I get caught up in how their behavior affects me, instead of trying to empathize with their situation – their life – their struggles. I feel this probably shuts my children down in wanting to really have a conversation with me. This is a struggle for sure.

Looking ahead at a future conversation, what can you do to make sure you focus on the emotions and needs of others? (65)
First, I think I need to take myself out of the equation and really commit to listen; I guess really clear my mind, so to speak. I need to focus on thinking about what the other person has to say, regardless of whether our opinions differ. I need to really work on trying to understand things from someone else’s perspective, and as mentioned in the chapter, removing my own baggage from the equation.

Melissa Exley on August 15, 2018 at 7:57 pm

Looking back at a conversation where you attempted to identify empathy, how well did you perceive the spoken and unspoken needs your conversation partner had? (60)
Truly listening to someone has always been a difficulty of mine. In the past, I have worried more about my response, interrupted when I thought someone was done speaking, and I tend to space out. After reading this chapter, I spent the next several days (week before school started) to really listen and have empathy for my fellow teachers. I ended up letting my team get to know each other and share their thoughts and what they needed help with the most. This created a more welcoming atmosphere and more productive planning as well. I still need to work on listening though.

Looking ahead at a future conversation, what can you do to make sure you focus on the emotions and needs of others? (65)
When it comes to my colleagues, I can simply ask if they need anything or want to express an area of concern or a positive experience that they had. If something is weighing on someone’s mind, asking them to put their emotions and needs aside that may be pressing is dehumanizing. I would end up using my colleagues to arrive at an end product while sacrificing them in the process.

When it comes to my students, I cannot except success with their academics if their social/emotional world is upside down. That means that I have to really get to know my kids and establish a relationship with them and ask them questions in a safe space that would let them be more willing to share about their world, and I would have to really listen.
Dawn Jordan on August 9, 2018 at 9:03 pm

1. Looking back at a conversation where you attempted to identify empathy, how well did you perceive the spoken and unspoken needs your conversation partner had? (60)

If I am honest, I would have to say I am terrible at showing empathy in a conversation with someone who has a differing view than myself. I am so busy coming up with my reply to what they say instead of truly listening and putting myself in their place. I automatically going on the defense to prove my point as to why they are wrong and I am right, especially with my husband. This is something I really need to work on!!

2. Looking ahead at a future conversation, what can you do to make sure you focus on the emotions and needs of others? (65)

First, I need to clear my mind. Next, I need to really focus on listening to what the other person has to say rather than automatically focusing on my response. I really need to work on trying to view things from the other person’s perspective!!
Lisa Pogue on July 16, 2018 at 5:00 pm

Looking back at a conversation where you attempted to identify empathy, how well did you perceive the spoken and unspoken needs your conversation partner had? (60)
I would like to say that I attempt to demonstrate empathy with my children, however, if I am really honest, I am not sure that I do. When discussing things they do that might disappoint me and/or embarrass me as a parent, I get caught up in how their behavior affects me, instead of trying to empathize with their situation – their life – their struggles. I feel this probably shuts my children down in wanting to really have a conversation with me. This is a struggle for sure.

Looking ahead at a future conversation, what can you do to make sure you focus on the emotions and needs of others? (65)
First, I think I need to take myself out of the equation and really commit to listen; I guess really clear my mind, so to speak. I need to focus on thinking about what the other person has to say, regardless of whether our opinions differ. I need to really work on trying to understand things from someone else’s perspective, and as mentioned in the chapter, removing my own baggage from the equation.